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According to recent studies, men are two and a half times more likely to commit suicide after divorce as compared to women. These studies have put an end to the famous mistaken belief that women suffer more after divorce.

Women have long been termed as emotional beings by their male counterparts. In fact, it is common for men to ridicule and even feel frustrated about the emotional quotient displayed by women. However, truth is, it is this emotional quotient that helps women cope with divorce far more easily than men. Women tend to make friendships on a far deeper emotional level than men do. These friendships help women deal with their feelings during and after the divorce process because women are able to talk to their friends about their concerns and problems.

Men, on the other hand, tend to form friendships wherein they can get to “hang out” with their friends but not talk about their deep inner feelings. Since men are not able to voice out their bitterness and hurt felt during the divorce, they tend to feel a void in their lives. In fact, it is common for men to seclude themselves from their friends because they do not even know how to have fun with their friends when their minds weigh so heavily with emotional baggage related to divorce.

Men tend to feel more shattered than women after the divorce because in most of the divorce cases involving children, the custody of the children is awarded to the mother. Therefore, all of a sudden, men find themselves to be a mere visitor in their child’s life, which can be a very tough emotion to deal with.

Children tend to act as stress busters during the divorce process because they become a source of love and support after divorce. While custodial mothers are able to reap the rewards of this love and affection and cope with divorce easily, non-custodial fathers tend to feel very lonely because they not only lose their status of being a husband but also of being a father.

It is common for men to blame themselves after the divorce because they feel that divorce could have been averted if they had been more sensitive to their troubled marriage. Truth is, no matter how much a wife complains about problems or concerns in a marriage, husbands mostly never understand the importance of these issues. For that reason, when wives file for a divorce, most husbands are in state of shock. When men are unable to deal with their feelings of guilt, bitterness, loneliness, and anger, suicide seems to be the only alternative.

Survival Strategies for Men to Avoid Suicidal Tendencies

• Communicate

  It is extremely important for men to talk about their feelings and concerns to someone that they can trust and depend on. Since many men do not know how to talk about their innermost feelings to their male friends, it might help if you seek help of a female friend or relative. Often, gaining insights to problems from a female perspective can be of huge help during such a tough time.

  If you feel that there is no one you can turn to, seek professional help. Professional therapists will not only help you to overcome your fears and problems but will also help you find solutions to these issues and fears. It is important to remember that your inner healing phase will not start unless you let out the bitterness, sadness, or frustration associated with divorce.

• Join a Divorce Support Group

  Joining a divorce support group is a good way to understand that you are not the only one in this tough situation. There are some divorce groups that specifically cater to the needs of divorced men. Joining these groups is a good way to find out what tools and strategies others have used to cope with the stress and problems related to divorce.

• Forgive and Move On

  Many times we are not able to move on with our lives after a bitter incident because we fail to forgive those who have caused us hurt and pain. However, truth is, the best way to relieve ourselves of our pain is to forgive the person who is the source of the pain. By forgiving and moving on with your life, you close a bitter chapter of your life and accept the outcome as an eventuality.

James Walsh
http://www.articlesbase.com/divorce-articles/why-are-men-more-likely-to-commit-suicide-after-divorce-383186.html

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Questions about divorce usually begin with people asking their friends who have already gone through the divorce process. They are generally subtle so the person being asked doesn’t really know that the one asking is contemplating a divorce. They ask questions about how the kids are doing or whether they’re still in touch with their ex. To those who haven’t gone through divorce the whole thing is a big mystery and very scary. Usually the person who is contemplating divorce has a friend they will soon confide in to gain support for their own move in that direction. A person being asked is seen as somewhat of an expert because they have gone through it, and the person being asked finds some relief from their own pain by sharing their experience. Unfortunately the questions that are being asked are the wrong questions. Usually the first question that is asked once the person comes clean is, “Was it worth it?” The typical response is the response of someone who felt they had no choice in the matter, so they answer yes. I would prefer other questions were asked rather than “how to” questions. So I have prepared a list of 6 divorce questions along with the truthful answers.

1. Was the person you divorced the same person you married?
2. Was your spouse a good mother or father, or did they beat or otherwise abuse your children?
3. Were you a loving spouse, or did you not care anymore?
4. Do you love your spouse?
5. Did you ever get a marriage manual?
6. Are your kids really doing OK now that you are divorced?

I met with someone today who was in tremendous pain because he didn’t know what to do anymore; he was losing his wife. His situation was so bad that his wife wouldn’t meet with he and I together. The truth is he was not a good husband and was quick to blame his wife for the breakdown of their relationship. They have two little children and so I agreed to meet with him alone, even though I usually don’t meet with only one of a couple.

When I asked him if he still loved his wife his response, although in the affirmative, was not very strong. When I asked him if he loved his children his response was clear as a bell. He was worn out and didn’t know what to do. I asked him if he read the marriage manual and he said he hadn’t ever heard of one. I said, “I know; until I wrote it there wasn’t one, so don’t be too hard on yourself for completely screwing up your marriage” (I only talk to men that way). I explained to him that he was like a guy who found himself in the cockpit of a plane, and had no idea how to fly. To make matters worse when he looks back he sees two children, and a woman depending on him to fly the plane. Now I’m not suggesting a marriage only requires a man knowing what to do, but it was an illustration he could relate to. He needed to understand that he simply didn’t have the tools needed to be successful.

I asked him if his wife was a good mother to their children and he acknowledged that he had some difficulties with some of her practices. I got all over him (again, a man to man conversation is much different) for having the audacity to point to a few particular things he didn’t care about, rather than point to some of the amazing things she does with the children. He understood what I was driving at. He had the choice, and had chosen, to be mean rather than supportive. So I questioned him some more about her virtues vs. her negative qualities, this time he pointed out her superior qualities, telling me he understood my point.

I asked him if his wife was as beautiful and charming as when he first met her, dated her and eventually asked her to marry him. He acknowledged that she was even more so. I then asked him why he didn’t continue to treat her the way he did when they first met. I asked him if someone gave him permission to start abusing her. He said no, and he also said he was starting to understand my point of view.

I told him he needed to read the Lessons For A Happy Marriage book, which covers all of these topics from many perspectives, in order to prove marriage is heaven on earth, when you know what to do.

Before you get a divorce or even seriously think about one, ask yourself if you are like that pilot in a plane who just hadn’t read the manual yet. Chances are very good you are married to exactly the person you should be married to but have no idea how to behave in order to make your marriage the kind of marriage you deserve.

Now the last question about the children; if you believe your kids will be OK after you get a divorce you have been duped. The kids don’t do OK. You could ask any teacher about what happens to children when their parents are going through divorce. The little boys crumble for all to see and the little girls internalize the suffering. Their lives are shattered and their futures become uncertain. Not only do they not do as well in school, they don’t do as well in life. Yes, there are always some who look like they beat the odds but you don’t have to take that chance with your own children. I don’t believe that you should suffer your entire life in a horrible marriage just for your children. I believe you should make your marriage a blissful satisfying heavenly experience. It would be better to suffer if you had to, rather than destroy the lives of your children. With a full heart say to your spouse, “I love you.”

Paul Friedman
http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/6-divorce-questions-716872.html

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If you’re a husband who is seeing signs and signals that indicate your wife may file for divorce, there are some important things you should be aware of.

First of all, DO NOT move out of YOUR house. DO NOT go stay with someone else for a while. DO NOT relinquish control of YOUR possessions in any way.

If your wife suggests that the two of you “take a break” and “spend some time apart”, then directly and firmly let her know that SHE certainly has the right to go stay somewhere else but that you are NOT leaving your house.

Of course, it sometimes happens that a woman will have the locks changed on the house while her husband is away but more often than not, if a man tells his wife that if anyone is leaving it will be her, then, she’ll be the one who does the leaving.

Now, this is important for a number of reasons…

One, when a man leaves, it gives a woman extra space and freedom to initiate the divorce. For whatever reason, it seems to be easier for a woman to file for divorce when she’s separated from her husband.

Two, it sets the foundation for the woman to get custody of any children by default. If you care about your children at all, this is very important.

Three, lawyers can and WILL distort anything and everything you’ve ever said or done – which means if you try to be the nice guy and leave your house to give your wife her “space” until things get “worked out”, and things take a turn for the worse instead of for the better, then don’t be surprised if in court your separation gets morphed into something like, “This horrible abuser ABANDONED his family and left them to fend for themselves.”

Now, before you start thinking to yourself that I’m some amazingly negative person with major issues and a huge chip on his shoulder, please understand that I’m merely relating facts based on what happens to thousands of men every day.

In fact, before I continue on, let me inform you that every day, false charges are filed by women against the husband they are divorcing – simply to gain the upper hand on him in the divorce and/or custody proceedings. And, these false charges are usually of a very serious nature – ranging from “alleged” physical abuse to outright claims of sexual abuse – often resulting in the woman gaining a protective order which blocks the husband from all access to his children and possessions.

Ok, let’s continue… The second thing you should know is that if your wife files for divorce, EXPECT her to become vicious in all sorts of ways you would have never dreamed of – ways that hurt you and cost you. I’ll give you two common examples.

One, it’s typical for husbands to want JOINT custody of the children. In other words, they want their children to have equal access to both their father and their mother. And, that seems like a reasonable sort of arrangement, don’t you think?

Well, court records PROVE that with very, very few exceptions, women seek SOLE custody of the children – and specifically, they mostly seek an arrangement where children have as little access or contact with their father as possible.

Two, in the context of a divorce, it’s typical for husbands to want a fair and equitable distribution of the property. Again, that seems like the fair thing to do, wouldn’t you agree?

But again, court records PROVE that with very few exceptions, women seek to get ALL of the major possessions of worth or value. It seems that women rationalize to themselves that their husband has some unfair advantage such that she needs EVERYTHING to continue on and he needs NOTHING because he can easily go make a new start.

The third thing you should know is that it’s certainly appropriate to want to work things out between you and your wife. By all means, let her know that you would PREFER to work things out with her…that you’d PREFER to make a fresh start where you do a better job of meeting her needs and equally as important, where she does a better job of meeting your needs too.

She may or may not accept your INVITATION.

If she doesn’t, LET her be an individual who is free to make her own choices and who is free to pursue whatever paths in life she chooses to pursue – even if that means one without you.

DO NOT supplicate. DO NOT beg. DO NOT pester her with “tracking” calls any time the two of you are apart. DO NOT stalk or spy. DO NOT project insecurity and paranoia. Be a man. Respect yourself. You’re a survivor and a winner. You WILL be ok with or without this PARTICULAR woman.

If your wife chooses to move on without you, there are plenty of quality women in this world who would be EAGER to join paths with you.

Of course, you don’t want to go overboard with this such that your wife thinks you don’t have any interest in her. That obviously wouldn’t help improve your marriage.

On the other hand, if she does accept your invitation, that’s wonderful. Promptly and proactively seek for ways of improving your marriage relationship.

When it comes to “fixing” relationships, the pattern is that men tend to procrastinate and women tend to act. And specifically, women tend act by interviewing multiple attorneys, by making plans and arrangements – all the way down to knowing exactly where you’re at and making sure any children are with her when she fires off her dirty deed of filing for divorce. The result is that men willingly put themselves in a position of HUGE disadvantage.

So, your best option is to DO something TODAY to turn your marriage around for the better.

Whatever you do, don’t leave things in limbo – put time frames and constraints on things. Many a woman has strung her husband along while she’s out playing the field, making alternate arrangements, and setting up a new life without him while he’s at home hoping she’ll come back around.

And, just so you know, when a man is passive in this way, it just proves to his wife that he’s not man enough for her and that she needs to find someone else who is manlier.

Also, a word of warning…

Beware of counselors who want to pull up and “analyze” all the bad stuff that’s happened in your marriage as this will only serve to emphasize the negatives that your wife is already holding in her mind and further suggest to her that leaving you is the right thing to do.

Your wife is already acknowledging internally all the bad stuff and perceived wrongs that’s happened in your marriage in a strong, vivid way and anything that “strengthens” her in this state is only going to work AGAINST you.

So, if you and your wife are still in the same house and nothing has happened yet, then I URGE you to get these two books (available at MarriedAndHappy.com/Catalog) right away:

“How To Turn Your Wife Into A Nymphomaniac”

“Strategies and Tactics for the Husband in a Sexless Marriage”

Not only will these two books show you what you need to do to save your marriage, they will also show you how to get the kind of marriage you want – a happy, sexual one.

Now, if you’re reading this and your wife has already filed for divorce, then I have two important recommendations for you:

One, I highly recommend that you IMMEDIATELY go to Amazon.com and get the following book OVERNIGHTED to yourself:

The Father’s Emergency Guide to Divorce-Custody Battle: A Tour Through the Predatory World of Judges, Lawyers, Psychologists & Social Workers, in the Subculture of Divorce by William Dawes

Also, if you have children, I STRONGLY recommend you get these books too:

Custody for Fathers: A Practical Guide Through the Combat Zone of a Brutal Custody Battle by Carleen Brennan

Fighting for Your Children: A Father’s Guide to Custody by John Steninbreder

Fathers’ Rights: Hard-Hitting & Fair Advice for Every Father Involved in a Custody Dispute by Jeffery Leving

All four of the above listed books are critically important to a man with children facing a divorce.

Perhaps most important is that they will educate a man on how to direct and drive his attorney in a way that’s useful to him. Without the information contained in these books, a man’s attorney will more often than not work AGAINST him more than he works FOR him. But, with the knowledge contained in these books, a man is better armed to protect himself and his interests.

The second recommendation is to realize that EVERYTHING is important in a divorce proceeding. If your attorney tells you something isn’t really important then understand that HE/SHE is probably LYING to you.

For example, attorney after attorney has told husband after husband that the initial “Temporary Hearing” (the “Pendente Lite”) was “no big deal” and that it wasn’t important for him to be there. Well, the fact of the matter is that this is usually the MOST IMPORTANT hearing there is because key precedents are set which shape the way things are to be LONG-TERM.

Similarly, everything a man signs is important. For example, many a man has signed an unfavorable agreement in good faith based on his attorney’s statement of “just until we get this worked out”. Unfortunately, that unfavorable agreement became a binding and legal agreement that the man had to live with for the next 10 to 20 years – or in some cases, for the rest of his life (or his ex-wife’s life).

Copyright 2009, Article by Calle Zorro of MarriedAndHappy.com. Permission is granted to reprint this article ONLY if a resource box pointing to the following website is included with it.

Calle Zorro
http://www.articlesbase.com/divorce-articles/i-think-my-wife-is-about-to-file-for-divorce-help-737370.html

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This article refers to divorce law as it applies in England and Wales.

Apart from all the emotional turmoil, there are so many practical

matters that must be sorted out when a married relationship comes to an

end. If you and your partner find yourselves in the unfortunate

situation where you have decided to separate, you will both need to

consider what will happen to your money, investments,

possessions, property and children.

There are lots of different ways in which you can make arrangements to

part ways. For a start, you don’t need to get a divorce. If you and

your partner can agree amicably on how to settle the things that you

shared during your marriage, you may just opt for an informal

separation. It’s much cheaper and much less stressful than going

through the divorce courts. However, bear in mind that any informal

arrangements may affect any decisions made by the courts if you decide

to take your case down this route in the future. Also, a court may

reverse or alter any arrangement you have made with your partner if it

is considered unreasonable to either party or unfair on any children.

An alternative way to split without going through the divorce courts is

formal separation, in which a written mutual agreement is drawn up,

preferably by a solicitor. The agreement sets out the terms for

settling financial and material matters and arranging the care of any

children. It can cover financial maintenance either for the other

partner or for the children. Any agreement not to take a case to court

in the future will not be legally binding and both of you still have

recourse to the courts should amicable communication break down.

There are various other factors to weigh up when considering whether

divorce is the right option. Remaining married will have various legal

implications, and of course you won’t be able to remarry. Divorce is

therefore often the safest, fairest and most practical option.

Let’s straighten out a few facts about divorce, as it can cause

confusion to many people:

To apply for a divorce, you must have been married for at least

one year.

Your marriage must be legally recognised in the UK and you must

have been resident here for a certain length of time.

One partner must file a petition at court setting out the reasons

for the divorce and providing background information. They are known as

the petitioner and the other partner is known as the respondent.

The petitioner must provide grounds to show that the marriage has

broken down irretrievably. To demonstrate an irretrievable breakdown of

the marriage, at least one of the following factors must be proven:

adultery

unreasonable behaviour (such as physical, mental or emotional

abuse, or controlling behaviour)

one partner deserted the marriage at least two years ago (left

the marital home without the consent of the other partner or reasonable

justification for doing so)

where both parties consent to the divorce, at least two years

of living apart

where one party does not consent to the divorce, at least five

years of living apart

Where both parties consent to the divorce, it’s known as an

undefended divorce. Where one party doesn’t consent, it’s referred to

as a defended divorce.

If you file for divorce on grounds of adultery, the court will

need to know the details of the extramarital relationship, including dates –

you must file for divorce within six months of it taking place.

However, if one party doesn’t agree to the divorce, proof of the

adultery must be obtained, which isn’t always easy.

If you both consent to the divorce, the court will review the

application and issue a decree nisi. This can take up to six months, or

longer if there are children as the court will want to ensure that the

care arrangements made for them are adequate. A court hearing won’t be

required, but the court may want to speak to the children if they are

old enough.

Six weeks after obtaining the decree nisi, the petitioner can

apply for a decree absolute to finalise the divorce. Once the decree absolute

has been granted, the divorce is complete and the marriage is over.

If one partner does not agree to the divorce, attendance at court

will be required. The partner who disagrees must provide reasons to

demonstrate why they believe the marriage has not broken down

irretrievably. The judge will decide whether the marriage has broken

down irretrievably and will grant a decree nisi if they deem this to be

the case. Then the petitioner can apply for a decree absolute in the

same way as they would had the other partner consented to the divorce.

If there are any children in the marriage, the court will always

review the arrangements for their care. This includes where they will

live, who will look after them, what access both parents will have and

what financial support will be given. The court will always make its

decision based on what is deemed to be in the best interests of the

children. If both partners agree with the arrangements they have made,

the court will not intervene to change them. However, if one partner

finds the arrangements unacceptable, the court will review the case and

make a decision, known as a court order.

Financial arrangements – children

Both partners are financially responsible for their children, no matter

who the children live with. (Children under the age of 16 or under the

age of 19 and in full-time education are considered to be your

dependants.)

The most amicable way to arrange support is through a voluntary

agreement, where you and your partner come to a mutually acceptable

arrangement for looking after the children. This may be an informal

verbal arrangement or you could have a written agreement drawn up by a

solicitor (which is the safest option as it can help to resolve any

disputes further down the line). There are various ways in which one

partner can provide financial support to the other. They may agree to

pay all the household bills and perhaps the mortgage or rent, they may

buy the childrens’ clothes or pay for their holidays, or they may

prefer to give the other partner a regular maintenance payment for

their partner to spend appropriately on the children.

If you’re unable to come to an informal arrangement with your partner,

you’ll need to apply for financial support through either the Child

Support Agency or the court.

Financial arrangements – settlements for the other partner

Even if there are no children in the marriage, making a financial

settlement can be tricky business. If you are able to come to an

informal agreement together on how you will split your wealth, it can

save a lot of time, stress and money. However as with everything in

life, when there’s money involved, disputes inevitably arise. Many

divorcing couples therefore end up turning to the court to obtain a

financial settlement. In England and Wales, the general principle

concerning disputed settlements is that both partners should receive

50% of their combined wealth. There are sometimes extenuating

circumstances though, particularly in cases where a large amount of

wealth was accumulated by one partner before the marriage, or where one

partner has, for example, given up a career as a result of the marriage

or of having children. In such cases the split may not be completely

equal.

Financial arrangements – property

Again, you may come to an informal agreement as to what to do about the

marital home, or, if you can’t agree, the courts will decide. One

partner may still be living in the property, but this does not give

them any more rights than the other partner. The partner who is no

longer living in the home still has the right to come back to collect

items belonging to them (although in cases of domestic violence this

may be restricted by a court order), and still has a say in what

happens to the home – their consent will be required to put it up for

sale, for example. Even if one partner isn’t listed on the deeds as an

owner of the marital home, they nevertheless have equal rights to the

property – either to live in it or to have a say in whether it is sold.

However, to protect their rights, this partner must complete a form and

send it to the District Land Registry.

A final word of advice

In an ideal world, it’s always best to be able to agree things amicably

without the indignity of involving solicitors or going to court. In

reality, however, it’s not always easy to reach a fair and reasonable

agreement – and even if you do, things might turn sour at some point in

the future and either one of you could be left in the lurch. It’s

therefore best to consult a solicitor to ensure you understand your

rights and what you’re entitled to, and to help you reach an

arrangement with your partner that will allow you both to live

reasonably and comfortably when you separate.

Benedict
http://www.articlesbase.com/finance-articles/the-financial-cost-of-divorce-107256.html

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According to a survey, the number of crimes committed by the young people is on rapid rise, which has already given rise to adverse impacts on our social security and our country’s future development. In this case, it is very urgent for us to find the reasons and solutions.

There are at least two factors accountable for this phenomenon. The first and most important one is that, with high rates of divorce nowadays, the emerging broken families will undoubtedly cast a shadow on their children’s minds, thus making the crime of this kind possible. As matter of fact, some of those children from the family with single parent could be more likely to conduct some wrong doings, even the crimes, only for their parents’ attraction or cares. For instance, in the light of the statistics, 80 per cent of the total criminals were raised in these sorts of families. In addition, the violence on medias should also take some responsibilities for this undesirable problem. In other words, there is a strong possibility that the violent behaviors over-depicted on the screen without any control will trigger the imitation of the vulnerable children at the tender age of 13 -18, a real pity for us or our whole country.

Admittedly, although there are not any extremely effective solutions to eliminate it fundamentally, the following two measures can be taken into our consideration to prevent the current condition from worsening or improve it. To begin with, the government should strengthen the psychological education on those prospective children without right and adequate care from their divorced parents. What is more, the related departments should also set up some strict regulations or the laws to supervise the programs showed on medias, especially on TV, and internet.

sunshine01
http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/parents-divorce-and-crime-committed-by-the-children-704248.html

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