Anger-Free Parents

If you’re a husband who is seeing signs and signals that indicate your wife may file for divorce, there are some important things you should be aware of.

First of all, DO NOT move out of YOUR house. DO NOT go stay with someone else for a while. DO NOT relinquish control of YOUR possessions in any way.

If your wife suggests that the two of you “take a break” and “spend some time apart”, then directly and firmly let her know that SHE certainly has the right to go stay somewhere else but that you are NOT leaving your house.

Of course, it sometimes happens that a woman will have the locks changed on the house while her husband is away but more often than not, if a man tells his wife that if anyone is leaving it will be her, then, she’ll be the one who does the leaving.

Now, this is important for a number of reasons…

One, when a man leaves, it gives a woman extra space and freedom to initiate the divorce. For whatever reason, it seems to be easier for a woman to file for divorce when she’s separated from her husband.

Two, it sets the foundation for the woman to get custody of any children by default. If you care about your children at all, this is very important.

Three, lawyers can and WILL distort anything and everything you’ve ever said or done – which means if you try to be the nice guy and leave your house to give your wife her “space” until things get “worked out”, and things take a turn for the worse instead of for the better, then don’t be surprised if in court your separation gets morphed into something like, “This horrible abuser ABANDONED his family and left them to fend for themselves.”

Now, before you start thinking to yourself that I’m some amazingly negative person with major issues and a huge chip on his shoulder, please understand that I’m merely relating facts based on what happens to thousands of men every day.

In fact, before I continue on, let me inform you that every day, false charges are filed by women against the husband they are divorcing – simply to gain the upper hand on him in the divorce and/or custody proceedings. And, these false charges are usually of a very serious nature – ranging from “alleged” physical abuse to outright claims of sexual abuse – often resulting in the woman gaining a protective order which blocks the husband from all access to his children and possessions.

Ok, let’s continue… The second thing you should know is that if your wife files for divorce, EXPECT her to become vicious in all sorts of ways you would have never dreamed of – ways that hurt you and cost you. I’ll give you two common examples.

One, it’s typical for husbands to want JOINT custody of the children. In other words, they want their children to have equal access to both their father and their mother. And, that seems like a reasonable sort of arrangement, don’t you think?

Well, court records PROVE that with very, very few exceptions, women seek SOLE custody of the children – and specifically, they mostly seek an arrangement where children have as little access or contact with their father as possible.

Two, in the context of a divorce, it’s typical for husbands to want a fair and equitable distribution of the property. Again, that seems like the fair thing to do, wouldn’t you agree?

But again, court records PROVE that with very few exceptions, women seek to get ALL of the major possessions of worth or value. It seems that women rationalize to themselves that their husband has some unfair advantage such that she needs EVERYTHING to continue on and he needs NOTHING because he can easily go make a new start.

The third thing you should know is that it’s certainly appropriate to want to work things out between you and your wife. By all means, let her know that you would PREFER to work things out with her…that you’d PREFER to make a fresh start where you do a better job of meeting her needs and equally as important, where she does a better job of meeting your needs too.

She may or may not accept your INVITATION.

If she doesn’t, LET her be an individual who is free to make her own choices and who is free to pursue whatever paths in life she chooses to pursue – even if that means one without you.

DO NOT supplicate. DO NOT beg. DO NOT pester her with “tracking” calls any time the two of you are apart. DO NOT stalk or spy. DO NOT project insecurity and paranoia. Be a man. Respect yourself. You’re a survivor and a winner. You WILL be ok with or without this PARTICULAR woman.

If your wife chooses to move on without you, there are plenty of quality women in this world who would be EAGER to join paths with you.

Of course, you don’t want to go overboard with this such that your wife thinks you don’t have any interest in her. That obviously wouldn’t help improve your marriage.

On the other hand, if she does accept your invitation, that’s wonderful. Promptly and proactively seek for ways of improving your marriage relationship.

When it comes to “fixing” relationships, the pattern is that men tend to procrastinate and women tend to act. And specifically, women tend act by interviewing multiple attorneys, by making plans and arrangements – all the way down to knowing exactly where you’re at and making sure any children are with her when she fires off her dirty deed of filing for divorce. The result is that men willingly put themselves in a position of HUGE disadvantage.

So, your best option is to DO something TODAY to turn your marriage around for the better.

Whatever you do, don’t leave things in limbo – put time frames and constraints on things. Many a woman has strung her husband along while she’s out playing the field, making alternate arrangements, and setting up a new life without him while he’s at home hoping she’ll come back around.

And, just so you know, when a man is passive in this way, it just proves to his wife that he’s not man enough for her and that she needs to find someone else who is manlier.

Also, a word of warning…

Beware of counselors who want to pull up and “analyze” all the bad stuff that’s happened in your marriage as this will only serve to emphasize the negatives that your wife is already holding in her mind and further suggest to her that leaving you is the right thing to do.

Your wife is already acknowledging internally all the bad stuff and perceived wrongs that’s happened in your marriage in a strong, vivid way and anything that “strengthens” her in this state is only going to work AGAINST you.

So, if you and your wife are still in the same house and nothing has happened yet, then I URGE you to get these two books (available at MarriedAndHappy.com/Catalog) right away:

“How To Turn Your Wife Into A Nymphomaniac”

“Strategies and Tactics for the Husband in a Sexless Marriage”

Not only will these two books show you what you need to do to save your marriage, they will also show you how to get the kind of marriage you want – a happy, sexual one.

Now, if you’re reading this and your wife has already filed for divorce, then I have two important recommendations for you:

One, I highly recommend that you IMMEDIATELY go to Amazon.com and get the following book OVERNIGHTED to yourself:

The Father’s Emergency Guide to Divorce-Custody Battle: A Tour Through the Predatory World of Judges, Lawyers, Psychologists & Social Workers, in the Subculture of Divorce by William Dawes

Also, if you have children, I STRONGLY recommend you get these books too:

Custody for Fathers: A Practical Guide Through the Combat Zone of a Brutal Custody Battle by Carleen Brennan

Fighting for Your Children: A Father’s Guide to Custody by John Steninbreder

Fathers’ Rights: Hard-Hitting & Fair Advice for Every Father Involved in a Custody Dispute by Jeffery Leving

All four of the above listed books are critically important to a man with children facing a divorce.

Perhaps most important is that they will educate a man on how to direct and drive his attorney in a way that’s useful to him. Without the information contained in these books, a man’s attorney will more often than not work AGAINST him more than he works FOR him. But, with the knowledge contained in these books, a man is better armed to protect himself and his interests.

The second recommendation is to realize that EVERYTHING is important in a divorce proceeding. If your attorney tells you something isn’t really important then understand that HE/SHE is probably LYING to you.

For example, attorney after attorney has told husband after husband that the initial “Temporary Hearing” (the “Pendente Lite”) was “no big deal” and that it wasn’t important for him to be there. Well, the fact of the matter is that this is usually the MOST IMPORTANT hearing there is because key precedents are set which shape the way things are to be LONG-TERM.

Similarly, everything a man signs is important. For example, many a man has signed an unfavorable agreement in good faith based on his attorney’s statement of “just until we get this worked out”. Unfortunately, that unfavorable agreement became a binding and legal agreement that the man had to live with for the next 10 to 20 years – or in some cases, for the rest of his life (or his ex-wife’s life).

Copyright 2009, Article by Calle Zorro of MarriedAndHappy.com. Permission is granted to reprint this article ONLY if a resource box pointing to the following website is included with it.

Calle Zorro
http://www.articlesbase.com/divorce-articles/i-think-my-wife-is-about-to-file-for-divorce-help-737370.html

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When I tell people that my husband and  have a blended family of five kids, two boys and three girls, I hear the obvious chuckle and the usual comment that our life is like TV show. They are, of course, referring to The Brady Bunch, an idyllic, fantasy-like sitcom of yesteryear where aside from Marsha getting hit in the nose with a football and Jan developing an allergy to flea powder, life was pretty much tame (and lame if you ask my kids). I do agree that my life is like a TV show, but more along the lines of a modern day reality program, like Survivor. When I see a group of adults bickering over coconut milk dressed in skimpy outfits in front of a roaring fire in the tropics all I can think is, “Big deal, where’s the challenge?” Try taking five cranky, bored, dirty, exhausted kids on a camping trip, in tight quarters, in the rain for five days. Survive that!  Better yet, see if you can pack five lunches every morning, cook dinner for seven every night, attend four different soccer games in one day, wash twenty loads of laundry a week and feign interest in your daughter’s story about the weird kid in her class who eats paper.

 My life is far from ideal. My dogs smell, my house is never clean all at once and I forget to water my plants  until they die and I have to throw them out. We manage. I have my priorities. At least I don’t forget to feed the kids. How could I? They’re always hanging over me begging for food.  Then of course there’s the constant juggling of schedules of five children alternating among three separate households. Who left green bunny at Dad’s or their math textbook at Mom’s? It seems like something is always forgotten somewhere. Remembering where five kids have to be all the time is challenge worthy of an NFL offense coordinator. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gritted my teeth at one of my children to “get your cleats on, get in the car, we’re going to be late for soccer!” only to discover I’ve driven to the wrong field and forgotten it was my turn to bring snack. Oh, how I wish my life were like Carol Brady’s. I’d have time to read, and sleep, and eat without interruption. I’D HAVE A MAID.  My husband and I would never fight and I could go the bathroom alone. I try to take comfort in the thought that at least I have better hair and I’m not walking around in double knit plaid pantsuits.

Truthfully, I love my life and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. When my first marriage ended in divorce and I reentered the single scene at age 40 I truly thought my days of coupledom were over. With two kids under the age of 9, and struggling to support myself as a single mom, not only did I not have the time for dating, I didn’t have the confidence either. I worried that my children would not accept a new man in my life or worse, that a new man wouldn’t accept them either. Childless men I dated were impatient with or lacked the understanding of the demands and challenges of having children. On the other hand, men with families were in the same predicament I was–no time and no energy. Even though I considered my kids my greatest asset, I was soon confronted with the harsh reality that not all of my dating prospects thought so. Refusing to believe that my children were a liability, or “baggage” as one man put it, I gave up on dating, retreated into myself and worried that I would spend the rest of my life alone. Then I met and fell in love with Paul, a loving father of three and we decided to marry and blend our family of five kids, four cats, three dogs, two fish and a bird.    As a newly remarried mother of two and stepmother of three, I’ve decided to start this blog because I feel I have a message of hope and guidance to share with parents and children who are already in or who are thinking  about entering into blended families.

When word spread that my husband and I were engaged, people I barely knew, mostly acquaintances from my kids’ schools, would approach me at soccer games or in the grocery store and flood me with questions. “How did you meet him? Does he have kids? How do they all get along? What are the custody arrangements?” The more I answered their questions, the more specific they became. “How do you get them all to school on time? How  do you split the holidays? Do you really cook  dinner for seven people every night and pack five lunches every morning?”  (Yes, I do. Every other week. See my RECIPES FOR FAMILY DINNERS page to learn tips and menu ideas.)

I quickly came to realize that not only did they want advice, they wanted inspiration and assurance that it was possible for them to remarry and blend their families too. One dear friend of mine, once a single mom and recently remarried into a blended family told me, “You are my beacon of hope.” If that is the case, then I will try to shine as bright as I can, and most importantly, tell is like it is. The same friend also told me she admired my honestly. I try to keep it real. I’m ecstatically happy now, but when life stinks, and often times it can, I’ll make sure to let you know. We all have challenges and no one’s life is a bed of roses.  Please read and write comments so we can laugh and cry together, gnash our teeth, wring our hands, share our joys and triumphs, and most importantly learn from each other.

We are the Shwanda’s , which is not our real name. It is a combination of our two last names that our kids came up with one day when they were playing a computer game called Sims. The object of the game is to design and build a house and create a family to live happily in it, which is exactly what we did. This is our story.

Note: I know many people who read this blog already know me. With regard to the general public, in the interest of protecting my family’s privacy, I have changed their names.  I will refer to my husband as Paul, his oldest son, 17 as Sam, the younger boy, 15 as Mark, and his daughter, 11 as Cheryl. My oldest daughter, 15 will be called, Sophia and my youngest daughter, 12 as Eva. As for me, just call me Carol. This should be very interesting since I can’t remember their names now.

To read my blog go to: www.shwanda.com

Carol Shwanda
http://www.articlesbase.com/parenting-articles/how-one-couple-took-a-second-chance-on-love-and-blended-five-kids-four-cats-three-dogs-two-fish-and-a-bird-722540.html

Depression is hell as it is been referred by many of the doctors and hypnosis – therapists. There is no single reason for depression. Some of the symptoms of depression are a person feeling sad all the time for no proper reason. Low energy level or just being lazy and not doing your tasks. Things that you enjoyed the most you start hating, withdrawal from family and friends. Constant anger, frustration, not able to concentrate on work, all are symptoms. Weight loss or gain significantly, changing sleeping patterns, less sleep, waking up early and thoughts of suicide or death are some of the symptoms observed.

People can get depressed even if they are been not able to get up with energy in the morning. Depression has many factors, which affect an individual. Medical problem, personal life problems, even genetics can be a cause for depression. You might think how can depression have a genetic cause, research shows that some people get the genes that are inherited from their parents suffering from depression and this can also affect them. Not everyone is affected by it; there can be a case that a person is suffering from depression even though no one from his family has ever undergone it. Events such as death of a loved one, family member, friend or even your pet can be a reason for depression when it goes beyond the normal grief.

Separation from your partner, parents getting divorced, partner betraying you, sometimes not getting satisfaction from your job or work can cause you to go in the state of depression. Family and social problems even trigger the cause of depression. For children seeing parents fight all the time, teens not getting what they want from their parents, negative thoughts in the mind also lead to depression, homelessness relationship problems, all can suffice as reasons. A person may also go into a state of depression if he is abused or scolded all the time. Abusing a person causes a chemical change, which differs the mood of a person. Medical conditions such as disability causes depression.

Depression directly affects the brain of a person. Depression is called as delicate chemistry of brain. Chemicals named neurotransmitters, which send messages, or signals to the brain change the mood of a person. If the flow of these signals is low then the person gets depressed or stressed. Stress also leads to depression. The cure for depression is to balance the neurotransmitters flow normally. Doctors attempt to resolve this by using a method of hypnosis. Hypnosis has been very effective then any other diagnosis. Experts have posted their thoughts about depression and its remedies on the Internet. If you feel that you are a prey of depression you can overcome depression yourself. The remedy is available on the Internet in the form of mp3 or video, which you can download and use to deal with depression. Overcoming depression yourself will help you get cured at a faster rate. Come out of depression and see the new sunshine by the help of hypnosis. Use your freewill in overcoming depression yourself.

Richard MacKenzie
http://www.articlesbase.com/self-help-articles/depression-can-be-dealt-with-311085.html

This article refers to divorce law as it applies in England and Wales.

Apart from all the emotional turmoil, there are so many practical

matters that must be sorted out when a married relationship comes to an

end. If you and your partner find yourselves in the unfortunate

situation where you have decided to separate, you will both need to

consider what will happen to your money, investments,

possessions, property and children.

There are lots of different ways in which you can make arrangements to

part ways. For a start, you don’t need to get a divorce. If you and

your partner can agree amicably on how to settle the things that you

shared during your marriage, you may just opt for an informal

separation. It’s much cheaper and much less stressful than going

through the divorce courts. However, bear in mind that any informal

arrangements may affect any decisions made by the courts if you decide

to take your case down this route in the future. Also, a court may

reverse or alter any arrangement you have made with your partner if it

is considered unreasonable to either party or unfair on any children.

An alternative way to split without going through the divorce courts is

formal separation, in which a written mutual agreement is drawn up,

preferably by a solicitor. The agreement sets out the terms for

settling financial and material matters and arranging the care of any

children. It can cover financial maintenance either for the other

partner or for the children. Any agreement not to take a case to court

in the future will not be legally binding and both of you still have

recourse to the courts should amicable communication break down.

There are various other factors to weigh up when considering whether

divorce is the right option. Remaining married will have various legal

implications, and of course you won’t be able to remarry. Divorce is

therefore often the safest, fairest and most practical option.

Let’s straighten out a few facts about divorce, as it can cause

confusion to many people:

To apply for a divorce, you must have been married for at least

one year.

Your marriage must be legally recognised in the UK and you must

have been resident here for a certain length of time.

One partner must file a petition at court setting out the reasons

for the divorce and providing background information. They are known as

the petitioner and the other partner is known as the respondent.

The petitioner must provide grounds to show that the marriage has

broken down irretrievably. To demonstrate an irretrievable breakdown of

the marriage, at least one of the following factors must be proven:

adultery

unreasonable behaviour (such as physical, mental or emotional

abuse, or controlling behaviour)

one partner deserted the marriage at least two years ago (left

the marital home without the consent of the other partner or reasonable

justification for doing so)

where both parties consent to the divorce, at least two years

of living apart

where one party does not consent to the divorce, at least five

years of living apart

Where both parties consent to the divorce, it’s known as an

undefended divorce. Where one party doesn’t consent, it’s referred to

as a defended divorce.

If you file for divorce on grounds of adultery, the court will

need to know the details of the extramarital relationship, including dates –

you must file for divorce within six months of it taking place.

However, if one party doesn’t agree to the divorce, proof of the

adultery must be obtained, which isn’t always easy.

If you both consent to the divorce, the court will review the

application and issue a decree nisi. This can take up to six months, or

longer if there are children as the court will want to ensure that the

care arrangements made for them are adequate. A court hearing won’t be

required, but the court may want to speak to the children if they are

old enough.

Six weeks after obtaining the decree nisi, the petitioner can

apply for a decree absolute to finalise the divorce. Once the decree absolute

has been granted, the divorce is complete and the marriage is over.

If one partner does not agree to the divorce, attendance at court

will be required. The partner who disagrees must provide reasons to

demonstrate why they believe the marriage has not broken down

irretrievably. The judge will decide whether the marriage has broken

down irretrievably and will grant a decree nisi if they deem this to be

the case. Then the petitioner can apply for a decree absolute in the

same way as they would had the other partner consented to the divorce.

If there are any children in the marriage, the court will always

review the arrangements for their care. This includes where they will

live, who will look after them, what access both parents will have and

what financial support will be given. The court will always make its

decision based on what is deemed to be in the best interests of the

children. If both partners agree with the arrangements they have made,

the court will not intervene to change them. However, if one partner

finds the arrangements unacceptable, the court will review the case and

make a decision, known as a court order.

Financial arrangements – children

Both partners are financially responsible for their children, no matter

who the children live with. (Children under the age of 16 or under the

age of 19 and in full-time education are considered to be your

dependants.)

The most amicable way to arrange support is through a voluntary

agreement, where you and your partner come to a mutually acceptable

arrangement for looking after the children. This may be an informal

verbal arrangement or you could have a written agreement drawn up by a

solicitor (which is the safest option as it can help to resolve any

disputes further down the line). There are various ways in which one

partner can provide financial support to the other. They may agree to

pay all the household bills and perhaps the mortgage or rent, they may

buy the childrens’ clothes or pay for their holidays, or they may

prefer to give the other partner a regular maintenance payment for

their partner to spend appropriately on the children.

If you’re unable to come to an informal arrangement with your partner,

you’ll need to apply for financial support through either the Child

Support Agency or the court.

Financial arrangements – settlements for the other partner

Even if there are no children in the marriage, making a financial

settlement can be tricky business. If you are able to come to an

informal agreement together on how you will split your wealth, it can

save a lot of time, stress and money. However as with everything in

life, when there’s money involved, disputes inevitably arise. Many

divorcing couples therefore end up turning to the court to obtain a

financial settlement. In England and Wales, the general principle

concerning disputed settlements is that both partners should receive

50% of their combined wealth. There are sometimes extenuating

circumstances though, particularly in cases where a large amount of

wealth was accumulated by one partner before the marriage, or where one

partner has, for example, given up a career as a result of the marriage

or of having children. In such cases the split may not be completely

equal.

Financial arrangements – property

Again, you may come to an informal agreement as to what to do about the

marital home, or, if you can’t agree, the courts will decide. One

partner may still be living in the property, but this does not give

them any more rights than the other partner. The partner who is no

longer living in the home still has the right to come back to collect

items belonging to them (although in cases of domestic violence this

may be restricted by a court order), and still has a say in what

happens to the home – their consent will be required to put it up for

sale, for example. Even if one partner isn’t listed on the deeds as an

owner of the marital home, they nevertheless have equal rights to the

property – either to live in it or to have a say in whether it is sold.

However, to protect their rights, this partner must complete a form and

send it to the District Land Registry.

A final word of advice

In an ideal world, it’s always best to be able to agree things amicably

without the indignity of involving solicitors or going to court. In

reality, however, it’s not always easy to reach a fair and reasonable

agreement – and even if you do, things might turn sour at some point in

the future and either one of you could be left in the lurch. It’s

therefore best to consult a solicitor to ensure you understand your

rights and what you’re entitled to, and to help you reach an

arrangement with your partner that will allow you both to live

reasonably and comfortably when you separate.

Benedict
http://www.articlesbase.com/finance-articles/the-financial-cost-of-divorce-107256.html

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 If you are reading this, I will assume you either have or will have a teen driver in your household. Having been through this myself, I graciously offer you “the parent/s” my personal feelings and research on the subject.

As a single father of two children, I was terrified when they became old enough to drive. Not because   of trust, or I thought they were bad drivers, far from it. It was the mere fact that the world has changed greatly, and not for the better. My children mean everything to me, and having been an owner of a Towing & Recovery business for 25 years, I have seen more than my share of fatalities involving teens. Many would have survived if only they could have received help sooner.

When I first started too drive, my father handed me the keys to the old Chevy and off we went. Mostly on dirt roads, but I loved it. I listened to every word of caution and instruction my father had to offer. However, like I said, things have changed, teens are more independent now and while they will listen for the most part. You will need to offer a little more latitude than when you were that age. Still, when it was time to drive I have to admit I was scared to death, let me reiterate, it was not a trust issue. Simply put, “we” as teenagers did not have to contend with carjacking, theft, massive traffic or road rage. Moreover, I believe that many teens succumb to peer-pressure more so in today’s society.

Therefore, after several gray hairs, and before my second child’s turn too drive. I decided to find a solution that could give me peace of mind, while protecting my children. However, I did not want to interfere with their privacy or sense of freedom. I felt with the advancements we have in technology, there must be a product that would fulfill my requirements. These were simple,

1. A panic button they could push if phone use was not possible/practical, that would instantly notify me of an emergency i.e. injury, carjacking ect…
2. Ways to locate and track the vehicle if such an emergency arose. This would facilitate a quicker response time by medical or law enforcement by providing an exact location.
3. Instant notification should the vehicle be evolved in an accident or stolen.
4. A way to recover the vehicle if it was stolen.
5. And most important, give my children and I a greater level of safety and security.

While some new vehicles offer systems that have a couple of these features, they require third parties to relay information. This in-turn slows response time and it would not notify me directly. In addition, they simply do not offer all of my requirements. Moreover, buying a new vehicle for $30,000 or $40,000 is not prudent for a first car. I believe a parent should help, but the teenager should be required to pay for at least part of the vehicle. This teaches them they half to work for what they want, and a greater sense of pride when it is achieved. In addition, I wanted a system that could be easily installed or removed in any vehicle and at a reasonable price.

After several months of research, I found the Millennium Plus. It easily provided for my requirements, and a multitude of other features that could be used or not at my choice i.e. remotely lock/unlock door or disable vehicle and much more. It was also very affordable costing no more than a good stereo.

I purchased one for each of our vehicles, and after installing it, I do feel much more relaxed. The kids love it too, maybe because it is a new toy or the fact they can remotely control the car. I personally think every parent should install this system for peace of mind. You can find it at www.findvehicle.net 

Larry Kilburn
http://www.articlesbase.com/parenting-articles/parents-teen-driver-safety-678792.html